I've somewhat recovered from the gang-fight in my front yard last week. Trying very hard to forgive all involved and believe that we will live in peace from here on out.
"Happiness is essentially a state of going somewhere, wholeheartedly, one-directionally, without regret or reservation."-- William H. Sheldon
That is profound to me. I honestly don't know if I will EVER be without reservations about anyone or anything. It seems to be a hardwire in my personality. I don't know if it's a defense mechanism I have created over time or if it's a maladjustment or what. Although, I do NOT have reservations about my calling. However, there have been times when I have wondered about regret - but not really "regret". It's more a thought of "what would my life be like had I not taken-up my calling?" and then there are moments when I've just looked heavenward and asked: "What were you thinking?"
A quote from the blog of DSNYDER:"You do what you do, and then you trust others to move beyond where you had the vision to go. I am grateful for talented, committed young people entering ministry."
What an awesome statement. Having gone into ordained ministry in my 40's I don't have the sense about what he is saying either way. I'm too old to be considered a young person entering ministry and I'm old enough to be fully aware of the burgeoning enthusiasm that my younger colleagues have over me. Hmmm, now that is truly food for my thinking.It's been a tough week for me due to the above moments in ministry. Let me explain. I have been so blatantly discriminated against by men in ministry (at the point that D is) that it has rather stunned me. Hmmm, dare I go on?
We have eight nursing facilities. There are about six male chaplains who have been serving them full-time for several years. Our companies are owned by men of faith and they take pride in providing on-site spiritual care to their residents. Well...when they decided to create a new paradigm in hospice care, by starting up their own hospice company, they originally thought that they would simply use the same chaplains that are in the facilities for the hospice part. It was not a workable idea given the logistical need for a chaplain to be present at certain points in the business of hospice. Trying to organize that would be like herding cats. So...they created a position for me.
The 'boys' were NOT happy when I was hired. For one thing - there went their opportunity to double-dip into pay for work they'd already be there providing anyway. For another reason there was confusion, on their part, as to what function I would have in general and specifically as to whether or not I would have authority over them given that the new company was a corporate "baby". I worked double duty trying to calm their ire and explain that we were just colleagues with the same populations to serve. I mean I worked hard to attempt healing and reconciliation. They would have NO part of it.
I was bold in telling them that I would appreciate an invitation to the weekly chaplain meetings. I was told point blank that I was not invited and that I needed to find a group of 'hospice' chaplains to meet with. They have gone out of their way - several times - to make me feel unwelcome and unwanted in their world.
We hired another chaplain to serve the Temple area and he happens to be a young man in his 30s. Now. He has been on board for two weeks. I spent the first week training him and then this week has been all about taking him to each facility to introduce him to all the key people including the chaplains. One of them dissed me so big that even this young man was shocked. He could see that it was directed at me and it was harsh. On Thursday he reported to me that he has been given small gifts of welcome AND the key to the facility chaplain offices with an invitation to make himself at home. He has been invited to the weekly group and welcomed to "the team" as well as invited to the monthly chaplain lunches!The young man giggled and stated it is a "gender thing" as if it was/is o.k.!! He announced to our group that he has no problem being a GOB (good ole' boy) and that we could just call him GOD!! He was kidding, of course, but I'm not laughing.
My mind is saying over and over that this is NOT about me...this is not about me......this is.....hurtful........this just plain bites.
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