Brothers

My boys just got into their second scuffle with each other. I had to pull the 20 year old off the 23 year old. My back is sore. Plus, the landlord and a plumber were here, replacing the garbage disposal, at the time! We looked like a house full of crazy people. My heart aches. I just feel like ... I don't know ... lost and so very alone. I want my mommy. I want to run away. Although I have no place to go and no money to get there. Life feels pretty sucky today.
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Later:
Sipping a bit of tawny port, I'm starting to feel a little better. I finally got the house warm enough. Seems like it took all day. I'm doing some ontological reflection tonight. Searching again for the essence of things, the isness of my being. Trying to see it not as depressing, but as essential: real. For whatever reason. Hoping the rest of the dross will be burned off soon enough for me to find my peace, my bliss, my happiness. Now along with the not yet.

Of course I could have just gone stone cold crazy too. Who knows.