LOVE

Ah, now there's a topic I'm bound to come back to many times before this particular entry is complete. Just read the words of someone on a forum:

Love is a choice we make.
Yes, there MUST be fundamental compatibility,
mutual interests, mutual respect, if you are lucky initial infatuation,
however, day in day out, we make choices that either maintain and grow
or starve and kill love for another person, and their love for us.

Love is much much more about who we are,
than about who our mate is.

I really liked what this says. I consider myself to be a lifelong student of love. Not that I have been particularly successful in grasping it for my own life in terms of a partner, but a student none-the-less.

I remember being put into a high school counseling group for chronic skippers of classes. Mr. Bill Riccobono was the graduate student leading it for his field work. He didn't say goodbye to me when his term was up, but left me a handwritten note saying something like "LOVE, you just have to want it enough to be willing to work for it." Well, I sure want it enough and seem to work hard at it. It just isn't easy when the object of our affection isn't willing to make the commitment and sacrifices necessary to make it work.

I don't think I've ever given-up too easily. In fact, I've stayed far longer in most relationships than I probably should have. I have a tenacity that seems like it would lend itself to allowing the relationship and the other person to evolve and yet...love still eludes me. I can't count the number of times I've attempted a relationship and been taken for granted and then once I finally give-up the man begs me to come back. I cannot c.o.u.n.t. the times that has happened to me.

I don't know how to change whatever it is that allows them to keep playing with my heart until it's broken and shattered and hope is lost. I know I have a HUGE part in it. I guess I just don't stand-up strong enough for myself and what I want - or maybe I just do it wrong? I don't know.

That's all for now, but I'm certain I'll be back to this before too long.

"The conclusion is always the same: love is the most powerful and still the most unknown energy in the world." -Pierre Teilhard de Chardin